Planet Strangelove
by Britz
Summary: Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Skater Bomb, An epic in bizarre humor, the Animorphs return to Earth after 54 only to find it's now ruled by the evil Avril Lavigne and obsessed with porn. Go figure. Final Chap up! R&R Do it for the llamas!
1. Planet Strangelove

Britz-Well folks you can't keep a good man down, or a bad one as I intend to prove. Well I'm back with yet another of my bizarre challenge fic, well sort of challenge, more like a strange story idea fic from Ms Gem Stoned, owner and proprietor of Funfiction and AHA (Animorphs Humour Association). The story's a little something like this...  
  
"The Animorphs return to Earth to discover it's become the gay porn capital of the universe and Avril Lavigne is queen of the world."  
  
Interesting no? I guess it's fair to say you can judge a man by the company he keeps, look at this challenge, then go and have a look at some of the other challenges people I know have given me, try not too judge to harshly.  
  
Disclaimer-Animorphs aren't mine and neither's Avril (although I wish she was, yowzer.)  
  
~Planet Strangelove, Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Skater Bomb~  
  
Chapter One  
  
Captain's Log: A big brown piece of dead wood Jake has in his closet, given the limited cargo they could take nobody really knows why he brought it along.  
  
*The crew as we left them are in the helm of 'The Rachel' returning to Earth.*  
  
Jake-You see guys, that mission wasn't so bad after all.  
  
Marco-Yeah old One sure was a fun dude.  
  
Jeanne-Sure glad we let him keep that Ax guy as his twisted and tortured host.  
  
Tobias-[Well it was the least we could do after we put that big gaping hole in his ship and he still invited us over for that great Super bowl brunch.]  
  
Santorelli-And gave me those tasty stuffed potato recipes.  
  
Menderash-And taught me how to love again.  
  
*all sigh with fond memories*  
  
Jake-Yeah, what a guy.  
  
Marco-*Notices the controls where he's sitting* Yo, Jake, blue light button, thingy, flashing.  
  
Jake-Which means what?  
  
Marco-Either there's an incoming message or Santorelli's stuffed potatoes are burning.  
  
Santorelli-Ooh! I'd better check the kitchen.  
  
Marco-No wait, it's a message, says so on this here screen.  
  
Jake-Ahh, it must be Earth got the message I sent about our arrival and are sending us a welcome, put it on the big screen up here.  
  
Marco-*punches in some buttons*  
  
*Big Bird pops up on the big screen*  
  
Big Bird-Hello, Tobias, you are quite good, at turning, me on.  
  
Tobias-[Uhh, you guys probably should ignore that. Wrong buttons Marco!]  
  
*Marco pushes some other buttons, an office scene comes up on the screen, a tall dark and handsome man works at the desk.*  
  
Santorelli-What the hell is this?  
  
Jake-Porno, music and clothes are a dead give away.  
  
Menderash-What about his artificial skin?  
  
Marco-Well he's wearing a G-string at work Menderash, I don't think anybody's had that casual a Friday.  
  
Tobias-[Wait! Someone else is coming in!]  
  
Jeanne-It's another guy.  
  
Man#2-*stunningly bad acting* working late again huh?  
  
Man#1-Yes, yes I am, in my underwear, as I tend too do.  
  
Man#2-Mind If I join you? *starts to undress*  
  
Marco-Whoa whoa whoa, what the hell is this?  
  
Santorelli-Oh god, surely he isn't going to...EWWWW!!  
  
Jeanne-Wow, that first guy is tough, that thing isn't even greased.  
  
Males-Eww!! AHHHHH!!!!  
  
Jake-Now lets not panic, maybe there just keeping it warm till the women come in.  
  
Menderash-There! The door's opening again!  
  
Marco-Ahh!! Another guy!  
  
Man#3-Room for one more?  
  
Males-AHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Marco-*covering his eyes to avoid the screen punches at buttons randomly, the gay porn disappears*  
  
Jeanne-Hey, I was watching that!  
  
Marco-Did it make you horny baby?  
  
Jeanne-Yeah.  
  
Marco-Great, you're finally susceptible and I may never function as a man again.  
  
Jake-Somebody mind explaining what just happened here?   
  
Menderash-According to this here shiny thing we were just picking up a random TV wave from Earth.  
  
Santorelli-What? From like the porno channel?  
  
Menderash-No (dun dun daaa) FOX.  
  
Jeanne-Wait, that was FOX? Now I just feel dirty.  
  
Jake-Now what's FOX doing showing gay porn, and at this hour?  
  
Tobias-[Wait, I have a TV guide that may explain everything.]  
  
Marco-Where'd you get that?  
  
Tobias-[What? It comes in the paper every Sunday.]  
  
Marco-Okay.  
  
Jake-Gimme that *grabs the guide from Tobias, skimming through it* FOX: Will and Grace: Uncut, Dharma & Dharma, Norman & Greg, The Gimp-sons, Worlds funniest lubricant mix-ups, when gerbils attack at inopportune moments..   
  
Santorelli-*reading over Jakes shoulder* Movies: Wild things, Wilder things, Wildest Things, Busty The Vampire Layer, Inspect-her Gadget: The (allot of) touching tale of a girl and her strap on..  
  
Marco-*snatches the guide from Jake, reading* The travel channel: 5:30 Debbie Does Dallas, 6:30 Debbie Does New York, 7:30 Debbie Does Greenland, 8:30 Texas, a lucrative look at both the steers and the queers.   
  
Menderash-This 'Debbie' sure does get around.  
  
Jake-Well guys it seems obvious, while we've been away Earth has become the gay-porn capital of the Universe.  
  
All-..............  
  
Tobias-[Why?]  
  
Jake-Well I didn't say that 'why' was obvious, just that it was.  
  
Marco-Well, thanks for your take on the situation Sherlock.  
  
Jake-Y'know, I'm your guys captain, you don't see anyone taunting Captain Kirk do you?   
  
Marco-Yeah well, you're no Captain Kirk.  
  
Tobias-[Except for the hair, is it my imagination or are you starting to look a little thin on top?]  
  
Jeanne-You know, I didn't want to mention it but...  
  
Santorelli-Yeah, I think I can see a little scalp poking through.  
  
Jake-*near tears* Shut up! Shut up! You're all lying! I have a full and healthy head of hair!! *runs from the room weeping and clutching his hair* full and healthy!!!!  
  
Menderash-Every bloody time I swear...  
  
Marco-Well as fun as this is I reckon we should take a peek at what's happened to Earth since we left, Menderash, make it so.  
  
Menderash-Schmuck *takes the controls and blasts the ship towards Earth.*  
  
Chapter Two  
  
*With Earth directly in our hero's sights a sphere shaped ship zooms in front of them, a deep rumbling male voice comes over the ships intercom*  
  
Voice-Oi, who are you then?  
  
Marco-Who are you?  
  
Voice-I asked first.  
  
Marco-Alright, were the Animorphs, returning to Earth after a mission to deep space, now who are you?  
  
Voice-I'm the bloody robotic guard for this section of space, you got a pass to get to into the atmosphere?  
  
Santorelli-A pass?  
  
Guard-Yeah a pass to get to Earth, domain of our blessed skater-queen Avril Lavigne.  
  
Tobias-[Avril Lavigne is queen of Earth now?]  
  
Marco-One thing at a time, we don't have a pass, can't you let us through anyway?  
  
Guard-Not bloody likely, I could lose my job.  
  
Jeanne-You know, you really don't sound like a robot.  
  
Guard-Well you don't sound like an Animorph to me frenchie.  
  
Jeanne-Well actually, I'm not one of the originals, you see..  
  
Guard-Yeah whatever, I didn't ask for your life story, as for you Animorphs I've found the orders about what to do with you, right here, left Earth not long before Queen Lavigne took control, not likely to return, but if they do, kill on sight.  
  
Marco-Great, now we're getting somewhere....Wait, what was that last bit?  
  
Guard-Yeah, sorry about that *outside a panel on the robot guard slides open and an enormous gun-barrel comes out*  
  
Tobias-[Aww jeez, why are people forever trying to kill us?]  
  
Guard-Well it's like this, you guys DID manage to take down that pesky Yeerk empire by yourselves not long ago, which of course paved the way for Queen Lavigne which she'd like to officially say 'cheers' for, but what with the oppressive way she's ruling our Earth with a dainty iron fist she'd really like to be safe rather than sorry and kill you before you cause her any trouble.  
  
*Another voice, Andalite, comes over the speakers*   
  
Andalite-[Cargo ship Z-47, here to deliver a shipment of Corellian Gerbils to Earth]  
  
Guard-*to Animorphs* Alright guys, I've got to take this, just wait there and I'll annihilate in a second. *cuts transmission*  
  
Santorelli-Now's our chance! Menderash, maximum burn!  
  
Menderash-*sarcastic* Oh, ya think? *Fires the engines and speeds towards the porn producing planet of Earth*  
  
Guard-*to self* Ah crap, that's the third time this week, I've really got to upload how to prioritise properly. *fires his giant gun twice*  
  
*two missiles with little wheels, shaped curiously like skateboards blaze out of the gun and follow 'The Rachel'*  
  
Mederash-*a warning system bleeps* Oh no! Skater bombs!  
  
*The Rachel flies through a porn obsessed city at break neck speed, graphic bill boards line the streets and some buildings are shaped like....anatomy bits and pieces, the 'skater bombs' follow in hot pursuit*  
  
Marco-Oh eew! Andalite porn! *pointing at one huge billboard.  
  
Menderash-Wow! Look at the tail on that female, oh baby!!  
  
Jeanne-Keep your eyes on the, uhh, road Menderash!  
  
*Ship narrowly misses a dong-shaped skyscraper*  
  
Santorelli-Christ! Look at that billboard!!  
  
*the ships stop dead, all look at one gigantic billboard, tilting their heads to the left in perfect sync*  
  
Tobias-[How could they get themselves untied from that position?]  
  
Marco-I'd volunteer to help.  
  
Jeanne-How many are there?  
  
Tobias-[I think you got to treat it like a magic eye picture, look closely at the centre and slowly move your head back.]  
  
Santorelli-I count eight so far, no there's another, and another, wow and not a set of twig and two berries two be seen.  
  
Menderash-Maybe there's a guy somewhere in the middle.  
  
Marco-If there is he must have been a fuckin' saint in his last life.  
  
Jeanne-Hang on, aren't we forgetting something?  
  
All-THE BOMBS!  
  
*The Rachel speeds away just in time, one missile comes so close it clips them without exploding and spins into the puzzling billboard and blows a huge hole in it*  
  
Santorelli-Oh no! It just took out lesbians four through nine!  
  
Marco-No! Such a thing of beauty! Why not that board instead? *points to another board*  
  
Jeanne-Wow, I think I'm in love.  
  
Tobias-[Think it's been computer altered?]  
  
Menderash-Have to be, he'd have terrible back problems if it was for real.  
  
Jeanne-How disillusioning.  
  
Menderash-I think I can lose the other one, it's a little risky, hold on.  
  
Jake-*walks in* Hey guys, I keep checking and I still say..*looks out the window* what did I miss?  
  
Menderash-Here we go! *puts the pedal to the medal*  
  
*Jake flys backwards and slams into the wall, the ship blasts within spitting distance of one building and pulls away, the missile misses them and ploughs into the building*  
  
(meanwhile inside)  
  
*a sign 'Auditions for "The Sperminator 5" today!' hangs on one wall, The room is packed with an easy hundred of naked men of every size and description*  
  
Interviewer-*interviewing one Hispanic applicant at a desk* Alright, Mr Sancho. What skills can you bring to this movie?  
  
Sancho-I am, Sancho *guitar strum* these others, they are not Sancho, only I, am Sancho *guitar strum*  
  
Interviewer-.......Alright, we'll put you on the call back list. (joke shamelessly stolen from 'Orgasmo', great movie, I claim this as homage.)  
  
*The skater bomb ploughs into the room and explodes, sending naked fellas flying left and right*  
  
(Back with our heroes)  
  
Marco-*watching the guys fly out of the building* My god, it's raining men.  
  
Jeanne-What a tragic loss, I mean look at that one's pecs! Really tragic.  
  
Tobias-Wait, they aren't falling to their death, that place is having a rubber John Tomas sale and their falling into that big pile!]  
  
Santorelli-Hope they all land front first.  
  
(In the building)  
  
*Sancho and the interviewer still sit at the desk at the edge of the huge flaming hole in the building*  
  
Sancho-You know, I don't want to sound like a queer or nothing, but I think fire is really romantic (homage!)  
  
(With our heroes)  
  
*The Rachel blazes around buildings looking for a place to hide, it turns one corner only to be confronted by a huge poster, spanning the entire side of a building, it features a single black woman, naked, with short hair, smiling seductively as she crams pills down the throat of an angry timber wolf.*  
  
Marco-Christ!  
  
Tobias-[Is that?]  
  
Jake-Cassie!?  
  
*distracted Menderash speeds up, loses control and ploughs right through the enormous picture of Cassie's bust*  
  
*The ship smashes through a warehouse of boxes and grinds to a stop, magazines of an illicit Cassie nature patter down onto the windshield*  
  
Menderash-Whoops.  
  
Jake-y'know, I think we'll lay low here for a while. *rushes outside to check out the Cassie mags*  
  
***To Be Continued***  
  
Britz-Hoo hoo, how suspenseful eh? So Cassie's a porn queen and Avril Lavigne rules a now completely over exaggerated porn-obsessed Earth? This story is so weird even I can't keep it straight. By the by, the sites of Gem's I mentioned, here are the URLs:  
  
Funfiction: http://www.geocities.com/funfics/  
  
AHA: http://www.geocities.com/anihumor/  
  
Well worth a surf (heheh, that rhymes,) and how about me fic, well worth a review?...Well I don't care! Give it one anyway! 


	2. God Save The Skater Queen

Britz-I should point out, thanks to my...truly bizarre thought process this first bit is in ahh, whatsit, normal writing not script, I just can't describe well in script so I may switch back and forth between chaps.  
  
Disclaimer-Not mine, not mine, and that Orgasmo joke I stole last chap? Not mine.  
  
~Planet Strangelove, Or: How I Learned How To Stop Worrying And Love The Skater Bomb~  
  
Chapter Three  
  
Out in the harbour of New York, porn capital of porn capital Earth Avril Lavigne sat on the throne of her evil fortress, none other than the dramatically changed Statue of Liberty.  
  
Instead of it's big dusty volume the statue now carried a skateboard tucked under her arm and no longer held her torch high, instead a blazing guitar scraped at the sky, held as if about to be ploughed into the harbour like it were some gigantic car's windshield.  
  
All entrances were guarded by skater-guards, big muscular guys with long greasy hair, their skateboards at their sides like faithful dogs, their guitar-blasters (funnily enough a cross between a guitar and a dracon blaster) in their back holsters, the guards looked casual but stood ready for attack, or musical interlude.  
  
Her large, imposing throne was made entirely of the chromed skulls of various talented musicians and untalented teenyboppers alike, her feet were propped up on a footrest composed of the shattered bone fragments of those brave few who had dared call her a teenybopper to her face.  
  
Avril's Minister for Defence and Blowing Shit Up, Jeff, cowered before her, he didn't look quite right cowering with his 6'4" heavyset frame but cowering was a necessary evil when dealing with Queen Lavigne, half-mad with power, half-insane with cruelty and 24/7 crazy with an apparently permeant case of PMS that doctors and record producers were at a lose to explain.  
  
"So they escaped the Robot guard, evaded the skater bombs and are currently somewhere in New York, plotting my downfall?" She asked.  
  
"We can't get a confirmation on the plotting, but the rest is about right." Jeff replied, "They were last seen crashing in between their ex-team member Cassie's breasts."  
  
"Whoa" Avril said, "What kind of bra size does she wear?"  
  
Jeff looked momentarily confused "Oh, I mean a picture, a big picture of her breasts, they rammed into Cassie Industries storage facility."  
  
"Right, send in a squad of Skater Boys, tell them to show no mercy."  
  
"Right away my liege," Jeff hastily replied.  
  
"We must make sure we kill them soon!" Avril shouted, "They must never be allowed to learn my horrible, blood-curdling, BONE-CHILLING secret!! Which could be used to bring my entire evil empire crashing down like so many car windshields!!!"  
  
"Yes my queen, I think that's a given. But I must stress to you" Jeff got a hard gleam in his eyes, "We may be dealing with the most dangerous people on Earth.  
  
Chapter Four  
  
Jake-Whoa, look what she's doing to this llama!  
  
*Jake sits on a crate reading through a Cassie mag with the claim "Inside: Cassie performs with 3 other woman, 4 guys and a Llama while she morphs!" The others are attempting to fix the ship as fast as possible*  
  
Marco-Goddamnit Jake, I don't think you quite understand the situation here, we're stuck on a now hostile planet, being ruled by a bitchy pop star who wants us dead and the ship is broken, will you stop looking at porn and help out!!  
  
Jake-I'm helping, I'm the captain, captains help by supervising...See look! With a damn llama! She'd never do that to me, I was always asking 'Cassie, please, just once..For Christ's sake Cassie, just touch it! Just once!' And now here she is rounding third with a llama!  
  
Tobias-[Well, she always did like animals.]  
  
Jake-*flips through pages* She's still going! Damnit, look at this! *turns the mag so that the others can see.*  
  
Jeanne-Jake, how about you help out here, or you can go and do that, to yourself.  
  
Jake-Oh, I've tried, can never reach the damn thing.  
  
Others-*shudder, rub their temples and keep working*  
  
Jake-Scuse us for a moment *walks inside the ship, clutching the magazine*  
  
Santorelli-Oh god, I don't even wanna think about it.  
  
Tobias-[Wait, everyone quiet.] *everyone stops, listens closely*  
  
Marco-...What is it boy?  
  
Tobias-[Shut up, someone's coming.]  
  
Marco-I'm surprised they didn't come sooner; I mean we did rip a hole through her best features.  
  
Jeanne-*sceptically* Her brain and personality right?  
  
Marco-Yes, I believe they keep one in each tit.  
  
Tobias-[Not just someone, someone's...A whole squad of someone's...On wheels!]  
  
Others-*gasp*  
  
Menderash-Wait, I think I missed why that's important.  
  
*Two dozen Skater Boys ride through the door at one end of the warehouse area, guitar blasters blazing*   
  
Santorelli-Ahh! Battle morphs!  
  
Marco-Ya think?  
  
*they morph under heavy fire for battle, 'cept Tobias, cause he doesn't need to and Menderash cause he can't.*  
  
Jeanne-*Morphed for battle: Polar bear* [Let's get it on!]  
  
Santorelli-*Morphed for battle: Lion* [Sing it sister!]  
  
*A large and extravagant fight scene occurs (Heheh, ripped you off a fight scene)*  
  
Marco-*Gorilla morph, punches out one Skater, takes his guitar* [Look everyone, I'm Avril Lavigne derp! *swings the guitar and sends another Skater* Heheh, I kill me.]  
  
Jeanne-[Please do.] *smacks one Skater sending him flying out the huge hole the ship created.*  
  
Skater-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
(On the street)  
  
Skater-HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! *smashes into the pavement*  
  
*A guy and girl watch nonchantly*  
  
Guy-Hey, look at that, its raining men.  
  
Girl-Whatever dearie, listen Britz I think your really blowing this challenge out of proportion.  
  
Britz-No dice Gem, this baby's an epic in the making.  
  
*Another Skater crashes to the ground*  
  
Britz-Nothing more I love than seeing skaters, falling to their deaths.  
  
Gem-Why? Because they're henchman of Avril Lavigne's evil empire?  
  
Britz-Nah, I just hate skaters.  
  
(Back with our heroes)  
  
*the fight is now over, dead and unconscious skaters litter the warehouse floor, the Animorphs morph back*  
  
Marco-I'm starting to get the impression that Earth isn't going to welcome us back with open arms.  
  
*a flushing noise is heard, Jake walks back out of the ship.*  
  
Jake-*looks over the Skaters* Did I miss something again?  
  
Menderash-*ignoring him* Let's face it, we don't have the time to fix the ship, we've got to leave it and get outta here.  
  
Tobias-[Agreed, the sooner the better.]  
  
Jake-Alright *picks up various copies of different Cassie mags, stuffs them in his pockets* let's clear out.  
  
(5 minutes later, on the street.)  
  
*The Animorphs exit the Cassie Industries building, Tobias fly's cover overhead. A crowd is gathering around the fallen skaters*  
  
Jake-Phew, this could be close, as long as we avoid attracting attention *trips over a bunch of garbage cans, causing them to clatter to the ground*  
  
Marco-Nice going fearless leader.  
  
*The crowd ignores them, but across the street a video billboard stops displaying gay porn and flickers onto Avril Lavigne*  
  
Avril-People of New York, the city is harbouring fugitives, they are known as, the Animorphs!  
  
Crowd-*gasp*  
  
Man-Wait, I think I missed why that's important.  
  
Avril-They are seen here *pictures begin popping up on the screen of them* and were last seen in the area of Cassie Industries warehouse building.  
  
Crowd-*gasp again*  
  
Man-Hey, that's here, innit?  
  
Avril-in fact, if you're outside the building, maybe gathering around the dead Skaters, there's a pretty good chance you'll see them if you turn around, right, now.  
  
Crowd-*fresh gasp*  
  
Man-*turns around, spots the Animorphs* Oi! There they are! Lets get 'em!  
  
Crowd-*turns spots the Animorphs, let out a roar of attack*  
  
Animorphs-Eep! *run*  
  
*The crowd gives chase, the Animorphs and crowd race up and down streets, causing chaos*  
  
Jake-*panting heavily* I can't go on *collapses to his knees* Go on, save yourselves.  
  
Others-*haven't noticed, still running*  
  
Woman-Look, there's one!  
  
Man#2-He looks stupid and unimportant! Forget him, get the others!  
  
Jake-Stupid and unimportant? I'll have you know I'm their captain.  
  
Woman#2-He's the captain!  
  
Man#3-Let's lynch him!  
  
Crowd-YAAAY!  
  
Jake-To hell with this *gets his second wind and runs after his crew*  
  
*The Animorphs run into an alley, a big wooden door opens at the side, a man steps out*  
  
Man-Quick, in here!  
  
Santorelli-How do we know we can trust you?  
  
Man-Well, you can't but either you do or you can take on the raging mob, your choice.  
  
Marco-Well put.  
  
*The Animorphs run inside, Tobias swoops down and through the door after them*  
  
*The crowd arrives just after the door closes*  
  
Woman-Where'd they go?  
  
Man#4-Dey just disappeared.  
  
Man-Eh screw it, lets go watch some gay porn instead of looking.  
  
Crowd-Hooray! *walk away*  
  
*(inside) a dark dreary abandoned warehouse, people hang in the shadows, muttering as the Animorphs walk inside, a shapely female silhouette speaks*  
  
Woman-The Animorphs, we always hoped you would return.  
  
Tobias-[Who are you? You sound familiar somehow.]  
  
Woman-Me? I'm the leader of this, rebellion, against the evil empire of Avril Lavigne, we fight against her and her, skaters.   
  
Marco-Yes, but who are you? You sound so familiar.  
  
Woman-Still remember this voice after all these years huh Marco? Yes, you knew me once, but it was in another lifetime...For all of us.  
  
Jeanne-Stop with all the fancy speeches, show yourself!  
  
Woman-Very well *steps into the light, flicking her "blonde" hair out of her face*  
  
Jake-It's, it's, it's, it's, it's *Marco smacks him upside the head* YOU!  
  
***To Be Continued***  
  
Britz-Whoa, what suspense, I'm on the edge of my seat and I already know who this mysterious shapely blonde is (And yes Sarah, she's blonde, it still doesn't mean I want all females to be blonde) Now this time, I'm being real generous like and giving you an extra chap with no reviews but next chap, I have it all written up and I'm not gonna post till I get some sodding reviews so if your wanting this continued but are usually too lazy to give up a review, review it!! 


	3. Teenybopper Revealed

Britz-I'm back, with the news you've been waiting to hear, like the salivating dogs that you are! The mysterious blonde woman is...Wait; it's probably better if you just read the fic.  
  
Disclaimer-"I do not own this, I do not own that, I own very little" said the git in the hat. (I had to put a hat on just to say that.)  
  
~Planet Strangelove, Or: How I Learned How To Stop Worrying And Love The Skater Bomb~  
  
Chapter Five  
  
"Its, its, its, its, its," Jake was momentarily stuck in a loop till Marco smacked him upside the head "YOU!"  
  
Before them the 'blonde' woman stood before them like an amazing visage of.... Surrealism.  
  
Most infamous of all teenyboppers, Britney Spears.  
  
Her face was no longer held steady by the effect of a team of makeup artists yet was beautiful in a new way with a sort of, matured radiance in her face, her wardrobe now apparently limited to a simpler style of clothing, the basic rags of a hunted teenybopper.  
  
She held an assault rifle like she really knew how to handle it right, the same way she'd held the snake from her shows that all the straight men (obviously not fans of her music, just of her batty) had found so appealing.  
  
"Yes I, Britney Spears am the leader of the rag-tag bunch of rowdy rebels against the evil empire of Darth, uh, Avril Lavigne." She told the Animorphs proudly.  
  
[You, Britney Spears, are the leader, of the only rebellion against Avril Lavigne, Queen of the entire world?] Tobias asked her sceptically.  
  
"Like I could be any less competent than your guy." She gestured to Jake, standing in stunned silence, drool slowly accumulating at the sides of his mouth.  
  
"Point taken." Marco admitted "But why you of all people?"  
  
Britney shook her fist grandly at the sky "Because someone has got to take down that evil bitch!" She was greeted with a rousing cheer.  
  
"Anything more specific?" Menderash asked.  
  
"Well, alright." She said, "I'll tell you the terrible tale of what happened to our fair planet after you, The Animorphs, and co, left Earth."  
  
"Kay." Said Marco. The rebels and Animorphs sat in a circle campfire-style and began listening to the famously bad singer tell Earth's sad story  
  
"It was the net porn that did it" Britney said, "more and more just kept accumulating on the world wide web until people just couldn't help it any more, it started spilling out in to everyday life, then came the aliens through the floodgates opened by our treaties with the Andalites, they made their contributions to the net, like humankind it was mostly porn and things just got weirder and weirder."  
  
A rebel woman started crying with memories of such horror and was lead away, Britney continued "first thing was the billboards, they just got racier and racier till they were full blown porn, TV adapted quickly also, hell FOX had been waiting for the opportunity to pounce for years, the porno shows quickly seeped their way into prime time till there was just nothing else left."  
  
More sniffling and tears being wiped away surrounded the group but Britney stayed strong.  
  
"What about those weird buildings?" Santorelli asked.  
  
"Those? Well with all these new building tools from the aliens, architects had way more time on their hands, what do they do with this time, they get something else on their hands and look at the porn, only natural it's going to come out in their work."  
  
She continued with her epic tale "Any-hoo, people were quickly adapting, but it was still a time of great confusion, and more car accidents from looking at the billboards, Avril saw her chance and seized it, taking over the entire world in one, fell, swoop!"  
  
"About that," Jeanne said "Mind enlightening us on how she could do that?"  
  
"Another time" replied Britney, "It doesn't matter just now, anyway what with that little thing Avril has against me as soon as she was queen of Earth there was a price on my head, and what with all the porn, there was an even bigger price on my body." A single tear rolled down perfect cheek.  
  
"I started this rebellion to fight against that evil skater-bitch queen and we'll fight her to the last man, woman or teenybopper!!" The rebel crowd roared its approval.  
  
"Well" said Jake at last, "That clears that up then."  
  
Chapter Six  
  
"What do you mean, they just, disappeared?" Queen Avril asked her minister for defence coldly.  
  
"Well my, my liege." Jeff stuttered "The angry mob claim they only lost sight at them for a moment and, well, they disappeared."  
  
Queen Lavigne blew "They're shape shifters you moron!! Of course they can disappear! They do that, that 'morphing' thing, you can't count on an angry mob to handle that!"  
  
"Yes but I can't.."  
  
"Be held responsible for that?" Avril finished, "No, of course you can't, the problem I have with you is the skaters you sent, in the first place!!"  
  
'Oh, right, that.' Jeff's mind muttered, 'sod.'  
  
"Why weren't they properly briefed?" She asked.  
  
'Well mostly because I hire my secretaries based on tit size rather than IQ' rambled Jeff's brain offhandedly 'and well I couldn't find the Animorphs file because my current one Brandy can't file worth a damn though man the girl can f..'  
  
"Well?" Queen Lavigne, back to her colder and even more dangerous voice.  
  
"Because I..." Jeff's scramble for an answer was fortunately interrupted by Avril herself.  
  
"Because you fucked up that's why!!" She screeched, "I'm going to give you one, just one, more chance to fix this, or else, it's the half-pipe for you."  
  
"No your majesty!" Jeff recoiled "Not the half-pipe!"  
  
"Yes the half-pipe." She replied, "I want every available skater boy on the case, get the FBI, the Skater Elite, the CIA and the MIB."  
  
"My queen, the MIB doesn't..." Jeff started.  
  
"What? Were you just questioning my orders? Or was I just hearing the squeak of wheels on the half-pipe?" She asked condescendingly.  
  
"Nothing, I'll get right on it my liege."  
  
"Good." She replied. "Y'know what, just for fun, when they kill them, have them tear out their still beating hearts and bring them to me on a silver platter.   
  
Chapter Seven  
  
*In the warehouse, Marco waits in one dark corner*  
  
Marco-*To Britney Spears as she walks by* Britney, psst, psst!  
  
Britney-*stops* Yeah?  
  
Marco-Can I have your autograph?  
  
Britney-Why? Not worth anything these days.  
  
Marco-It'd just, mean a lot to me, I'm a *conspirative whisper* a big fan.  
  
Britney-Of my music?  
  
Marco-Sssh, keep it down.  
  
Britney-I just never thought you would be, I mean you dated all those supermodels and..  
  
Marco-What's that supposed to mean?  
  
Britney-Well, I just never thought you were...y'know, not that there's anything wrong with that.  
  
Marco-*incredulous* I'm not gay! *covers his mouth, looks around to see if anyone heard* not that there's anything wrong with that.  
  
Britney-You're not, and you're a fan of my music. *sees the look on his face* alright, I won't delve *takes out a scrap of paper and pen, scrawls her name on it, hands it to Marco*  
  
Marco-*hugs it to his chest* I'll treasure it always.  
  
Britney-Oookay *turns, starts to walk away*  
  
Marco-*comes at her hair with a pair of scissors, she turns and he hides them.*  
  
Britney-Were you just trying to cut off a lock of my hair?  
  
Marco-No, course not.  
  
Britney-*unsure* Ooookaaay. *walks to front of room, calls to the Animorphs* Animorphs, over here, I want to show you something.  
  
Animorphs-*Gather to her where she's standing beside a large object under a sheet*  
  
Britney-Alright, I suppose you're wondering what's under here.  
  
Tobias-[Actually we all had a look while you were talking to Marco, it's one of those Skater Bombs.]  
  
Britney-*pulls off sheet to reveal a Skater Bomb* well yeah, it is. But not any ordinary Skater Bomb, it's a Super Skater Bomb.  
  
Santorelli-What's the difference?  
  
Britney-Bigger bang.  
  
Jeanne-How much bigger?  
  
Britney-Big enough to destroy Avril Lavigne's fortress, the statue of liberty, if we could get close enough to drop it.  
  
Jake-Destroy the statue of liberty? Do I dare live the American dream?  
  
Marco-Since when is that the American dream?  
  
Britney-*ignoring them*It wasn't easy acquiring this bomb, many lives were lost and we don't have the kind of ship capable of getting in close enough to drop it, her defence system is to good. Your ship might have worked but by now she'll have it under guard or maybe destroyed.  
  
Marco-Destroyed? Damnit it! I had all my CD's on that ship, all my *pauses, reconsiders* rock....And.........Roll CD's *winks at Britney*  
  
Jeanne-Did you just wink at her?  
  
Britney-*Doing her best to keep ignoring them* I was hoping maybe you guys would have a way to help, maybe with some contact you left behind, like a former team-mate...A wealthy former team-mate perhaps....*waits expectantly*  
  
Tobias-[Well, of course there's....]  
  
Jake-Wait Tobias, quiet, *pulls the Cassie mags out of his pockets, looks at them, looks at the bomb, looks at the mags, looks at the bomb, looks at the mags, looks at the bomb....*  
  
Others-*look at each other, shrug*  
  
Jake-*looks at the mags, at the mags, looks at the bomb, looks at the mags* I've got it, Cassie! She's a wealthy former teammate! We'll go to her!  
  
Menderash-Uhh, Jake, I think everybody already got that.  
  
Jake-*face falls* Really?  
  
Santorelli-Yeah, I think so.  
  
Jeanne-Pretty much at the point we found out she was a big name porn star.  
  
Marco-I mean it would seem pretty irrelevant if there was that scene and then she DIDN'T come up later in the story.  
  
Jake-*confused* What the hell are you two talking about?  
  
Marco&Jeanne-Oh, nothing. *look at each other cryptically*  
  
Britney-Alright, so Cassie it is, let's go.  
  
***To Be Continued***  
  
Britz-It just keeps getting...stranger dunnit? Ain't ya just itching to meet the new Cassie, and her llama? Review it, come on, be a pal. 


	4. When A Women Loves A Llama

Britz-Hello, bloody hell, I reckon this is the fastest I've written a bloody fic in ages, not that I'm posting them as soon as I write 'em, got a good reasons for that, make sure I don't screw up and leave chaps undone for eons.  
  
Disclaimer-I really don't think I need to do this every chap do I? I mean it's not like they're separate stories..... siiiigh, alright none of it's mine, Animorphs and half the jokes don't belong to me.  
  
~Planet Strangelove, Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Skater Bomb~  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
*Setting: Huge beautiful mansion with dozens of rooms, an enormous pool and a farm out back*  
  
*a doorbell rings, Cassie's butler answers it to the Animorphs, Britney Spears and her rag-tag rebellion*  
  
Jake-Hi there, can Cassie come out to play?  
  
Butler-*Snooty* Do you have an appointment?  
  
Tobias-[Actually we do.]  
  
Santorelli-I phoned ahead!  
  
Butler-I'll go and see if she wishes to see you still. *Walks off to fetch Cassie*  
  
*Cassie lazes by the pool, which is ringed by scantily dressed males and females and llamas, the butler approaches*  
  
Butler-Ma'am, Britney Spears, a rebel force against Avril Lavigne and a talking bird are at the door.  
  
Cassie-Hmm, tell them to sit tight, I'll be there in a bit.  
  
*too late, the Animorphs and co come bursting through the doors near the pool*  
  
Marco-Hey Cassie.  
  
Cassie-Hey guys, I wasn't expecting to see you guys today, or y'know, ever.  
  
Tobias-[You get that sometimes.]  
  
Jake-*pointing to one llama, seething* Yoooou. *begins staring angrily at it*  
  
Cassie-So what you guys been up to?  
  
Marco-Racing around the Universe, risking life and limb, attending delightful Super bowl brunches, you?  
  
Cassie-Running a giant porn industry, posing naked in various stages of morphing, having sex with llamas, same old same old.  
  
Britney-Now that we're over those pleasantries Ms... Cassie, we need your help to defeat the evil Queen Avril Lavigne.  
  
Santorelli-Charlie Sheen, Queen Lavigne, shrink to the size of a lima bean. *realises everyone's staring at him* Sorry.  
  
Jeanne-Please, help us Cassie, you're our only hope.  
  
Tobias-[Oh, please, just, don't go there.]  
  
Jeanne-Okay, Ms Cassie it's like this, we need some funding to buy a ship capable of getting close to Avril Lavigne's fortress, the Statue of Liberty  
  
Cassie-Kay.... Why?  
  
Britney-We have a bomb capable of blowing that giant stone bitch sky high!  
  
Cassie-Help blow up the Statue of Liberty? Do I dare live out the American dream?  
  
Marco-*looks from Cassie to Jake* And you two couldn't work it out huh?  
  
Jake-*is still death staring llama*  
  
Cassie-It's not going to be easy you guys realise, Queen Lavigne has eyes and ears everywhere, especially watching big company porn types like me, she's cold and calculating, smart, ruthless, and a real bitch.  
  
Jake-*still staring at llama, which is now ignoring him and eating grass* We know, we're well aware of the risks.  
  
Cassie-We could all be killed.  
  
Jake-*surprised, finally stops staring* We could?!?! *girlish scream of fear*  
  
Britney-Ms Cassie, my rebellion has been fighting the evil Queen Lavigne for years, any chance to take her out, no matter how dangerous, we're all ready to take it.  
  
Cassie-Yeah well, I must admit, even with my billions of dollars, fabulous mansions, incredible llamas as..... pets, I do miss the adventurous good old days, fighting, facing death, living in constant terror...wait what am I saying!?  
  
Tobias-[So can we buy a ship or what?]  
  
Cassie-Oh......Yeah I suppose.  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
'Honest Bruce's Used Space Ship Yard' screamed the neon sign above the huge ship yard, below it was an enormous obscene billboard of two men playing hide the weasel, the submissive party, most likely Honest Bruce himself grinned and bared it, the satisfied (or almost satisfied) customer clutched a wad of money in his hand, signifying perhaps that he was screwing Honest Bruce both literally and figuratively.  
  
Cassie stood in the middle of the yard, surrounded by several llamas, Jake, Marco and Tobias, cunningly disguised. "I'd like to buy a ship." Cassie told the salesman, Lenny.  
  
"And here I thought you were just admiring the scenery, tourist season don't you know." Lenny drawled sarcastically. Somewhere in the distance a drum rim-shot sounded, Cassie and the other Animorphs looked about in confusion.  
  
"Anyway, I need something fast, with good steering, not to many light years on the dial." Cassie said.  
  
Lenny walked towards one rather cheaply priced ship, "Well we've got a great little ship here" he gestured to the cheaper ship, "but this isn't it." Another rim shot floated along the breeze, "No, the ship for you and your... ugly... sheep... things..."  
  
[We're llamas.] Jake told him.  
  
"Thank you, your llamas." Lenny paused in momentary confusion and went on, "Anyway, the ship is this one here," he lead them to a huge piece of black metal, spikes and gun turrets stood out all over it's surface.  
  
"Looks a little expensive doesn't it?" Cassie asked him. "Look at all those spoilers."  
  
"Well worth the money, the ships in good nick and could level a town in minutes, only owner was a little old lady who only ever flew it to church every Sunday." Lenny replied.  
  
[It is a nice ship.] Tobias admitted.  
  
"Wait, are those llamas talking?"  
  
"Of course, why?" Cassie asked.  
  
"Didn't know llamas were so chatty is all." Lenny said off-handedly.  
  
[You ever ask one?] Marco replied.  
  
"In fact." Lenny continued slyly "If I didn't know any better, I'd say those shape shifting 'Animorphs' Queen Lavigne is so worried were hanging around with wealthy former team mate Cassie, the famous llama guzzling porno actress. But that's just crazy, innit?"  
  
"We'll take the damn ship." Cassie told him, "If you play this right there may just be a little extra commission in it for you."  
  
"Excellent choice madam, I'll wrap it up, you start bringing in the pennies."  
  
Chapter Ten  
  
"Unbelievable that guy." Cassie told the demorphing others as they begun taking off, "You know how much this ship cost me? I had to write extra small on the check to fit in all the numbers."  
  
"Let's just hope that Lenny guy keeps his mouth shut about us." Marco said, "After that neat little on-the-side profit he made."  
  
[He'd damn well better.] Tobias spoke up, [or we're screwed.]  
  
"I don't really understand what you guys have against Queen Lavigne." Cassie told them.  
  
"Well she did try and kill us." Jake replied.  
  
"Well that's a given, but people are always trying to kill you guys, you'd think it would just roll right off your backs by now." Cassie told them, "Besides, her reign of terror hasn't been all bad, she did solve all those problems in the Middle East."  
  
"How'd she manage that?" Marco asked.  
  
"She blew it all up, Osama Bin Laden sent another tape to America and called her a teenybopper, she nuked the whole place into a hole in the ground with some skater nukes to be sure she got him."  
  
"Tough, but fair." Jake remarked.  
  
Meanwhile back at Honest Bruce's Used Space Ship Yard Lenny picked up the phone and dialled in the number of local skater squad.  
  
"Hey, this is Lenny Carlow, I've got some news about the whereabouts of the Animorphs that Queen Avril should be very interested in..."  
  
*To Be Continued*  
  
Britz-Why Lenny, that bastard! Wellity well, how suspenseful, what ever could happen next? Looks like the Animorphs and Britney Spears are in for a spot of bother (there's a phrase I never thought I'd say.) Well guess you'll have to review to find out what'll happen next. 


	5. Pack Up The Llamas And Let's Ride!

Britz-I've really got to stop with the author notes, I don't have anything to say, anyway ladies and gents, I'm on holidays at long last, ahh, sweet relief, I'll probably start writing more even though this is nearly done, otherwise I'll go stir-crazy and end up a gibbering mess.  
  
~Planet Strangelove, Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Skater Bomb~  
  
Chapter Eleven  
  
*Back at Cassie mansion, the new ship is parked in her expansive backyard, the Animorphs and rebels load the ship with the bomb*  
  
Cassie-We've got to hurry! Skaters could be on their way already if Lenny squealed!  
  
Jake-*carrying guns into the ship* Aww but this crap's heavy.  
  
*Inside the ship Britney, two rebels and Marco are putting in the super skater bomb onto a huge clamp over a door in the floor.*  
  
Britney-There, when we're over the Statue of Liberty, this button will open the door and release the clamp, bomb falls, bada-bing, evil queen gone.  
  
Marco-Beautiful work Ms Spears and all without innocent blood spilled, your rebellion really has some fresh new ideas.  
  
Britney-Umm, yeah, that's the way.  
  
*Suddenly outside dozens of skater boys storm Cassie's estate, rolling in on skateboards, firing everywhere.*  
  
Cassie-Ahhh! The ship! Get in the ship! *starts running for the ship*  
  
Jake-Damn Lenny! *runs inside, shuts the door*  
  
Cassie-Open up you dumb bastard!!  
  
*Jake opens the door, Cassie runs inside, followed by several rebels under heavy fire. The ship takes off.*  
  
Cassie-*looking out window watching her llamas and other people getting gunned down* My llamas, my precious babies!!  
  
Tobias-[What about all those people at your house we left behind?]  
  
Cassie-Meh, but the llamas!  
  
*The ship blasts towards the Statue of Liberty*   
  
Chapter Twelve  
  
"They've taken off!" Cried the voice on the radio "They're gone, heading towards the statue!"  
  
Avril stared darkly at the radio, "Damnit! Red alert! We must prepare for attack."  
  
"Yes your majesty!" Jeff agreed, "But we must get you out of her, our informant tells us the ship may be able to penetrate our defences!"  
  
"You would have me run?! Like a cowardly teenybopper?!" Queen Lavigne yelled. "I will stay and fight, like a true skater chick!!"  
  
"Well, if you insist." Jeff grabbed his walkie-talkie and screamed into it, "All Skaters to battle stations! incoming attack ship!"  
  
Skater boys all over the fortress grabbed their arms and ran for the battle stations and gun turrets, Avril Lavigne herself grabbed her guitar blaster and skateboard.  
  
"And so it begins," She said coldly "And ends, no wait, ends, just ends."  
  
Chapter Thirteen  
  
Marco sat against the wall by the bomb, waiting for them to get to the statue, Britney stood by the controls, she looked like she was psyching herself up for the big moment, they were alone in the room, Marco could think of several tantalizing Penthouse-esque possibilities here but figured this probably wasn't the time or the place.   
  
Marco stared at the bomb for a moment, and that was when he saw the sticker, it was a smiley face with the famous 'Have A Nice Day' slogan printed under it, he dismissed it as a joke until he saw it was peeling off, and that there was another label under it.  
  
Marco got up and walked over, Britney stayed motionless, not noticing him.  
  
He ripped off the sticker, and his mind didn't quite compute what he saw under it for a second, it was the nuclear symbol inside its yellow triangle.  
  
"No, it couldn't be." Marco muttered, then he noticed the warning label beside the symbol, 'Super Skater Bomb: Aim away from face' it read, but that too was peeling away to reveal another label, he pulled it off and stood in awe.  
  
The real label read 'Skater-Nuke: Very bad news, causes mass destruction and loss of life do not drop in populated area, unless of course, you want that, but I suppose that's a given.'  
  
Marco recoiled in horror, "Britney, we can't drop this in New York! We've been tricked by one of your rebels, quick we've got to tell the others."  
  
Marco recognised the sound of a gun being cocked behind his back, the barrel pressed in between his shoulder blades, "I'm afraid I can't let you do that Marco." Britney said.  
  
*To Be Continued*  
  
Britz-Short I know but I'm gonna cram it in right after chap 4 and the next one is really, really long (and the final one), so no complaints! Anyhoo, how about a review for this tantalizing little twist? Eh? Eh? 


	6. Clash Of The Teenyboppers

Britz-Well I'm back, bet you're so anxious to find how my evil little twist turns out that you've skipped my author notes entirely right? By the way, aanything in (-)'s are my own comments, I guess you would've worked that out by now, just thought I'd mention it since I do it so many times.  
  
~Planet Strangelove, Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Skater Bomb~  
  
Chapter Fourteen  
  
*In the bomb room Britney finishes hog tying Marco, she still holds the handgun aimed at his head.*  
  
Marco-But Britney why? Why do it?  
  
Britney-*coldly* She's got to be stopped Marco, if I have to sacrifice my rebellion, and myself then so be it.  
  
Marco-What about all the innocent people of New York?  
  
Britney-*shrugs shoulders* Meh.  
  
Marco-Damn you Britney! you're no pop star, you're... You're a.... All right I really didn't think that taunt through.  
  
*Menderash's voice comes over the radio*  
  
Menderash-Ms Spears, we're coming up on the Statue of Liberty, prepare to drop the bomb.  
  
Britney-*grabs her walkie-talkie* Ten-four.  
  
Marco-Do you really have to tie me up? I mean I'm an Animorphs, I could morph right out of these ropes and get you if I wanted.  
  
Britney-Try it, then you can try morphing a bullet out of your brain.  
  
Marco-Point taken, but come on, you can't shoot me, I'm a straight male fan of yours, it'd be like shotting an endangered species.  
  
Britney-Try anything and you'll be extinct. *opens the cargo doors, the ship is quickly approaching the statue.*   
  
Menderash-*over radio* we'll fly circles around the statue to give you a perfect opportunity to drop, make it fast we're under fire.  
  
*The ship dodges missiles and begins a circle around the statue*  
  
Britney-Sorry Marco but a teenybopper's gotta do what a teenybopper's gotta do. *presses the clamp release button*  
  
Marco-That being said *he jumps as best he can while hog-tied and slams his weight into the clamp, jamming it*  
  
Britney-You bastard! *grabs for her gun but drops it, sending it out the cargo doors and spiralling to the ground below.*  
  
Marco-*begins morphing to gorilla, the rope breaks* [Now, you're in trouble babe.]  
  
Britney-*smacks her fists into his face*  
  
Marco-[Oh, hit me baby, one more time.]  
  
Britney-*summoning all her teenybopper strength she lets a huge right hook fly into his face*  
  
Marco-*dazed* [Good shot madam.] *collapses*  
  
Britney-*begins kicking and pushing at the bomb, trying to loosen it and send it down.*  
  
*meanwhile in the cockpit*  
  
Menderash-*piloting the ship under heavy fire* Damnit, what are they doing? I can't avoid these missiles much longer!  
  
Jeanne-Somebody go check what's taking them so long.  
  
Santorelli-I'll do it. *starts to get up*  
  
Jake-No Santorelli *holds up his hand* I'll do it. *dramatic pause*  
  
Tobias-[What are you doing, it's not like your doing something heroic here.]  
  
*crestfallen, Jake walks from the room and down the hallway to the bomb room, opens the door*  
  
Jake-*looks at the groaning Marco in gorilla morph on the floor to Britney, kicking and cursing at the nuke.* hmm, need any help?  
  
Britney-*grabs Jake and slams him to the floor, kicks him in the head*  
  
Jake-Oww! I must say I'm a little confused.  
  
*Britney jumps on the bomb and uses her weight to push it out, both her and it plummet from the cargo bay door, she waves a cowboy hat around as she drop towards the statue.* (a la Docter Strangelove of course, actually this scene is the reason I came up with the name.)   
  
Marco-[Oh no! She's killed us all!]  
  
Jake-Yeah, and where did she get that hat?  
  
Chapter Fifth teen  
  
Britney dropped from the sky yelling and whooping like a 'blonde' bimbo angel of death, the nuke sped downwards, to bring death to everyone in New York, starting with the infamous teenybopper Ms Spears and the evil bitch Queen Lavigne.  
  
The bomb plummeted, faster and faster till it hit at the feet of the Statue of Liberty, Britney blocked ears that wouldn't be there in another second.  
  
She heard nothing, she knew nothing, a second passed, two, three, seconds passed in a flock and she peeked open her eyes, she was sitting on the bomb in a fair sized crater under the gaze of the statue.  
  
"Something, not good, about this..." She muttered and sat on the bomb for moments more, it finally dawned "Shit! After all of it! The fucking nuke's a dud!!!" laser bolts from guitar blasters began to blaze around her.  
  
Back up in the ship Marco and Jake stared down in disbelief.  
  
"Shit!" Marco yelled happily "After all of it! The fucking nukes a dud!!!" In a moment of misplaced joy he grabbed Jake and laid a kiss on his cheek.  
  
Jake was stunned, "Well hello there!" He looked at Marco with a cheesy grin. "How you doin'?"  
  
"Oh Jake man, come on, I was just, that was... Stop looking at me like that!! Come on, we've got to land, bomb or no bomb, this is our best chance to take the fortress."  
  
Jake grinned "Your wish, is my command, aha aha." He said flirtatiously.  
  
Marco got up and walked from the room. "Oyy, damn my sexy ass!" He looked over his shoulder at aforementioned rump, "Aww, who am I kidding, I love you buddy."  
  
He made his way to the control room and gave the crew the cliff notes on the situation, "Land now!" He yelled "We might still be able to take down Avril Lavigne!"  
  
Chapter Sixteen  
  
The ship landed and Animorphs and rebels alike poured from it and began the process of storming the Statue of Liberty.  
  
The Skater Boy Elite blasted at them from all sides and they shot back, their rebel training surprisingly good, losses were heavy however, except the Animorphs pulled through, they'd been on damn tougher missions, none stranger, but tougher.  
  
Finally, through the bone-shaking explosions and burning ozone they made it too the feet of the Statue, and Ms Spears.  
  
The pop-singing temptress was beating away three of the skater Elite, she grabbed ones guitar blaster and in the style of her arch nemesis Avril Lavigne swung it around and cracked it around the unfortunate skaters head as if he were an inanimate stereo system.  
  
She grabbed another by his long greasy hair and swung him around, when she let go he flew over the Animorph's heads and came to a crashing halt several metres away.  
  
The final skater was huge and ripped, he made the other two she'd just snapped look like a couple of Spongebob Squarepants, he grinned and went for her, she kicked for his goody bag, he crumpled.  
  
[Britney!] Tobias yelled [We know your insane and genocidal, but were willing to overlook that for a bit, until we get Queen Lavigne and destroy her evil empire, and possibly till after the kegger we'll have to celebrate if we win, but then, we'll have to, I dunno, report you or something, agreed?] Britney nodded.  
  
"I wouldn't start ordering the kegs for that party just yet if I were you." Said a sinister.  
  
"Oh? Well alright." Jake said and put away his mobile phone.  
  
Avril Lavigne stepped from the shadows, "Well if it isn't my arch-nemesis, the Animorphs."  
  
"Hey!" Britney protested, "I thought I was your arch-nemesis!"  
  
Avril turned to her "Hey come on, I never said anything about us being exclusive."  
  
Britney pouted "But still, I've been fighting you for years, and these guys are here for what, two days? And they're your new arch nemesis'?"  
  
Avril turned back to the Animorphs "She's right, and I don't think I'm ready for another arch-nemesis right now."  
  
"And I did just try to drop a nuclear bomb on you." Britney told her.  
  
"You did?" Avril asked "Aww, that's sweet."  
  
[Enough with the feelings already.] Jeanne protested, [Let's get to the fighting.]  
  
"Kay." A squad of the Skater Elite poured from the doors to back her up, "Let's get it on."  
  
The Animorphs took the Skater Elite, trading blow for blow but the true fight was between Britney Spears and Avril Lavigne.  
  
Santorelli looked over at them [Wait! Avril, she doesn't fight like any skater-chick I've ever seen, she's doing it teenybopper style!] He yelled to the others.  
  
Animorphs and Skater Elite alike stopped and stared in confusion, both Britney and Avril pulled at each others hair, slapped, scratched and wrestled, Lavigne didn't punch, she didn't produce a switchblade like was expected of a skater.  
  
Queen Lavigne noticed the extra attention and stopped "Oh no, time for this bird to fly!" She grabbed her skateboard from her back holster, "here goes nothing" she muttered.  
  
She pushed off, and started to roll, at walking speed, she tried to push harder, tripped up and landed at the feet of the Animorphs, "She can't skate!" Declared one of the skaters in amazement.  
  
"Alright! Alright!" Avril screamed "So you've discovered my terrible, horrible, bone-chilling secret! I'm no skater-chick!! I'm a.. I'm a... A TEENYBOPPER!!!"  
  
The Animorphs and Skaters withdrew from her, gasping in shock.  
  
Avril smiled again and shook her finger at them all "But, I'm going to take this secret to my grave. And so are you all, wether you want to not."  
  
"Oh no I'm not" Jake protested.  
  
"Yes you are ya friggin' moron, what I meant was that you're all about to die, the statue's rigged with explosives." She pulled a remote out and pushed a button on it before anyone could stop her.  
  
They all took a moment to process this, Marco got it all first "Run away! Run away!" He cried. (obviously homage by the way, as if I'd be able to sneak that joke past any of you Monty Python fans.)  
  
The Animorphs and Skaters ran for it with the devilish laughter of Avril Lavigne, only Britney stayed behind.  
  
She knelt by Avril and raised her fist. "No, you won't rob me of this bitch!"  
  
"See you in teenybopper hell." Avril replied before the detonation that shattered the Statue above them.  
  
Chapter Seventeen  
  
*On the island where the Statue of Liberty once stood (like I know what it's called) the statue is now half destroyed, the top half still sticking out of the rumble, the smoke is slowly clearing*  
  
Jake-*sees the statue-half sticking like that, falls to his knees and pounds the ground with his fist* You maniacs!! Damn youse!! Damn youse all to Hell!!!  
  
Jeanne-Oh shut up.  
  
Santorelli-*dusting himself off* We only just got out of range in time; Avril and Britney must have been killed.  
  
Medic Rebel-*walks up* You'd be surprised what a teenybopper can live through, not unlike cockroaches, (guess why I used that example) some can survive a nuclear explosion. I'll just let myself out now *walks away.*  
  
Tobias-[Is he for real? Could Britney and Avril really have survived that blast?]  
  
*As if to heed his words, and move this fic along he spots movement from beneath a pile of rubble, he calls to the others, they dig away only to reveal Avril and Britney, still alive*  
  
Cassie-Oh for Christ's sake, will we never be rid of this damn senseless storyline!! *grabs a gun and aims for Avril's head* I'm stopping this right now!  
  
*suddenly the cops turn up at the site and jump out of their boats, stopping Cassie's attempts to off Avril.*  
  
Cop#1-My skater-Queen! What happened here, you want for us to kill these people for you?  
  
Jeanne-Wait! You don't have to obey her, she's no skater-queen! She's a teenybopper, no better than any Britney Spears fan!  
  
Marco-*looks around, hurt and suspicious*  
  
Cop#2-Is this true? My liege?  
  
All-*wait with bated breath*  
  
Avril-Yes, all right it's true, I am a teenybopper who's just living a lie!! These skater clothes? an image! All a false image!! *rips away skater clothes and stands in her bra and panties*  
  
Cop#1-*nudges Cop#2* Bet those 'COPS' guys are gonna be pissed they decided not to come today, first the statue now this.  
  
Avril-Well I've got to stop the charade! Got to stop running! *presents wrists to cops* Take me away copper, one charge of being a teenybopper, and, uhh, all that other stuff I did.  
  
All-*applaud, several calls of 'take it off!'*  
  
Britney-Hey, also, I tried to commit genocide.  
  
Avril-hey bitch! What are you doing? Trying to steal my thunder?!  
  
Britney-Hey I'll confess to attempted genocide whenever I want!!  
  
Avril-I'll kill you!!   
  
*Both attack each other, cops drag them apart*  
  
Cop#3-Ladies, ladies, save it for the prison showers.  
  
*little later, Avril and Britney are being arrested and put into the boats.*  
  
Marco-*to Britney* Well Britney, I don't know what to say, as a long term and fan, and yes, as a human being, you hurt me, what with the hog tying and the gun and the planning of the murder of thousands of innocent people, how could you? How could someone, who sings, as sweetly as an angel, be such a devil inside?  
  
Britney-*frustrated* Marco I told you this six minutes ago but you don't seem to get it, shut, the fuck, up.  
  
Marco-Oh why? Why lord are the beautiful ones always so crazy?  
  
Britney-*pecks him on the lips* Sorry about the trying to kill us all part, you're a good guy Marco, will you wait for this crazy genocidal teenybopper?  
  
Marco-*hand goes to lips, dramatic music plays* No, but I'll look at porn pictures of you everyday on the internet.  
  
Britney-. . . .*shrugs shoulders* Meh, close enough. *The police boat drives away.*  
  
Marco-No Wait! Bring her back! She'll be good!! Aww let her go!!. . .Damn.  
  
*With Jake and Cassie*  
  
Jake-Cassie, I know I can't offer you much, but, I love you Cassie, marry me.  
  
Cassie-Hell no.  
  
Jake-Damn, how about just a sympathy screw?  
  
Cassie-I spose I could take some pictures and use it as filler material, sure, why not.  
  
Jake-As long as there's no llamas involved, I saw them in those magazines, makes a man feel quite, inadequate.  
  
Chapter Nineteen: And Here's The Wrap Up  
  
Jake and Cassie did try to work things out despite the fact that he was the least fulfilling filler material in history, however after three days Cassie started an "office romance" with a llama hung like a pony and a gerbil hung like a horse (his meat and two veg were bigger than him, really quite extraordinary) When Jake found out he was crushed, he packed up his stuff and left in the middle of the night, never to return. Cassie still hasn't noticed he's gone.  
  
Britney and Avril did save the aggression for the prison showers, where they took it out in new and interesting ways; they soon became the star attraction of the gay-porn reality prison show called "Booty in the Big House". Avril quickly became known for the catchphrase "Watch where you stick that soap!" (Hey, a man can dream can't he?. . . Well my shrink says I'm getting better. REDRUM. REDRUM.)  
  
Santorelli left the elite antiterror forces and opened a top-secret cooking school upstate, he is also rumoured to be the genius millionaire behind the 'Potatoes Stuffed While You Wait' fine cuisine food chain with the motto 'Stuffed Potatoes So Good, They're Out Of This World!'  
  
Tobias resigned himself to never getting over Rachel, but he became the kinky host of the bird-watching program 'Wings' (not to be confused with the sitcom of the same name) and found true love with a super-intelligent peacock named Francine, now it's 'Rachel who?'  
  
Menderash, confused by his attraction to humans because of his body, his lust for Andalites because of his mind and his wanton feelings for Hork-Bajir which both species found weird, ended up as a star on his own porn series which only the most brave and kinky late-night FOX viewers dared to watch.  
  
Marco and Jeanne dated briefly until Jeanne broke it off and eloped with a porn star named Sancho *guitar strums*. Marco went back to the glamorous life of a millionaire playboy, but behind all the bucks and babes he eagerly awaits Britney Spears next parole hearing, he never misses an episode of "Booty in the Big House".  
  
~The Teeny Bopping, Llama Loving, Ever Merciful End~  
  
Britz-HaHa! I'm invincible, invincible!! Show me another challenge stranger than this that's been written, come on, I dare you! I see now that I am king! Bow down to me! Bow down to me!!! . . . . . Well I'm spent, hows about a review for this rather... Unusual challenge fic, please? Me love you long time if you review. 


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